Sometimes I Hate That I Love You
by SleaterKinney
Summary: Frustrated with Jane's acceptance of Casey's proposal, Maura unloads her hidden feeling in an uncharacteristic shouting match with Jane after weeks of avoidance. Blown away by Maura's outburst, Jane stands there speechless unable to get much of a word in. Is their friendship lost forever or will true feelings be revealed? Thanks to RIwouldntleaveher for the prompt


**Sometimes I hate that I love you.**

**Rating: T. Swearing.**

Thanks to Riwouldntleaveher for the prompt.

Frustrated with Jane's acceptance of Casey's proposal, Maura unloads her hidden feeling in an uncharacteristic shouting match with Jane after weeks of avoidance. Blown away by Maura's outburst, Jane stands there speechless unable to get much of a word in. Is their friendship lost forever or will true feelings be revealed?

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Maura had successfully avoided Jane for three weeks now ever since Jane told her she accepted Casey's proposal. The moment Jane's words hit her she froze before forcing a polite smile like her parents had taught her to do but inside she just wanted to grab the detective by the shoulders and shake some sense into her. Casey? Out of 7.046 billion people in the world she had to choose him?! Love him!? It made no sense to Maura at all and each day her frustration with Jane just rose. She couldn't even go to her Yoga studio because Jane was waiting for her there but Yoga wasn't even enough to calm Maura down in her current state.

One side of her just wanted to avoid Rizzoli and try to get over her, hide her feelings deep inside but that wasn't exactly working out for her so far. The other side of her just wanted to scream and yell at Jane, tell her exactly how she felt about Casey and about her; how she was utterly and completely devastatingly in love with the Detective but it was hard for Maura, to be rude and to show that frustration when her whole life she was raised to always smile and be polite.

"Come on Maur, let me in!" Maura heard Jane from her living room and sighed heavily pinching the bridge of her nose trying to keep her tears back.

"I'm going to keep knockin' 'til you talk to me!" Jane called out before banging on the front door.

Maura tried to ignore the constant knocking before she couldn't take it any more. She stormed towards the door as though she was on a mission and ripped it open.

"What!" Maura said roughly which was out of character for her, especially when it came to talking to Jane.

"I uh, I just want to talk." Jane lost her place as she took a step away She was taken back by the aggression in Maura's voice.

"Are you sure _Casey_ is okay with you being here?" Maura spat out standing her ground.

"What the hell do you mean by that?"

"What do you think? You're a shell of the person you are when you're with him, you let that _motherfucker_ hurt you and you just keep coming back for fucking more!" Maura was yelling now, not caring who the hell could hear. She needed to vent these emotions that had piled up in the last few weeks.

Jane was visibly flustered by Maura's words having never seen the Doctor this upset and angry before but the words being directed at her caused anger to rise up in the Detective and even though she was alarmed hearing the M.E curse she attempted to bite back pointing her finger at her.

"Now just wait a minu-"

"No!" Maura pushed Jane's arm away and took over the pointing, aiming her finger right at Jane. "_You_ just wait a minute. I've had it, I've had it with your _shit_ with Casey. You fucking talk about him behind his back, say you're glad he's gone. You're not in love with him! You're in love with the thought of him and you're letting him use you! And I thought you were strong. Guess not." Maura laughed sourly

"Maur..." Jane raised her eyebrows, trying to reach out to Maura but she got pushed away.

"No, you do _not_ get to call me that! Not now! How can you be so fucking blind? In more ways than one!" Maura had tears running down her face. "How can you accept his proposal blind to the emotional blackmail he is putting you through? All the times you've fallen in my arms after he has hurt you and you just keep putting yourself in the same situation." Maura took a deep breath as she looked down letting her arm fall down to her side.

"How can you be so blind to not see how much I love you?" Maura's voice was a whisper. "How deeply I am in love with you?" Maura slowly looked up and seeing Jane's face the anger that started to fade into sadness came back with a vengeance.

"How _painful _it was when you'd kiss him in front of me," She hissed out, "how heartbreaking it was to hear you talk about how much you love him, how _excruciating_ it was to know that you slept with him. How _tormenting_ it was for you to give me hope that it was done, that there was a change for us to be together. Do you Jane, do you!? I don't think so. I wouldn't wish my worst enemy the pain I've gone through the last 3 years since he decided to come into your life, change who you are, hurt you. And I wasn't even on the sideline, you were always willing to help me out but still, you went back to him, loved him. Do you know what that feels like? Every time you chose me over him, giving me a bit more hope before going back to him and crushing that hope, crushing my heart." Maura ranted on, her tone getting more aggravated as she spoke.

"Fuck!" She yelled throwing her arms in front of her, her hands closed in fists.

Jane didn't respond, she couldn't. She was desperately trying to hold back sobs. Instead she leaped forward startling Maura as she wrapped her arms around the blonde tightly. With her hand not helping hold in those sobs, they came out as Jane held on tight.

"Let go!" Maura cried out trying to squirm from Jane's grasp but the brunette wasn't budging in the slightest. "Please..." She added weakly when Jane refused.

"No!" Jane said adamantly even as Maura started hitting her back to try and make her let go. Jane held on until Maura finally broke down and started sobbing. Her fingers uncurled from the palm of her hand and she grabbed Jane back in a hug, holding her tight as they stood together on Mauras' door step.

"Sometimes I hate that I love you." Maura sobbed as she hugged Jane before feeling the Detective pull away, her hands on the M.E's hips.

"Don't.. Don't hold this against me okay?" Jane said, her voice weepy as she closed her eyes, her lips making contact with Maura's for an uncertain second before she felt Maura kissed back.

Maura, frustration still in her system grabbed the front of Jane's shirt smiling into the kiss as she felt the buttons against her hands and it took her all of 2 seconds to rip the taller woman's shirt open as she broke the kiss.

"Get the fuck in my bedroom now." She whispered huskily, her eyes dark.

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You're all welcome to give me prompts and I might consider writing a one-shot or more if it interests me. The darker the better.

Thanks again for reading and for those who are following Gathering Fingers, don't worry! I haven't given up! I have the next chapter written and am starting on the next one as to try not to get left behind again.


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